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Sex...

There are three important components needed for sex to be good. It has to feel physically good. You have to be turned on mentally. Emotionally you have to feel open and secure enough to be linking with your sexual partner.

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There is a lot of focus on the physical.

How you look? How the person looks? Is this feeling good?

There are all sorts of sex tips found online. However it is possible you may be neglecting your mental state or your emotional state when having sex.

The mechanical act of sex does not suddenly override how you are feeling about yourself and make you able to be in the moment. You have to be ready.

What are you getting from sex?

You can be having great physical sex and turned on by the particular sex act or kink but emotionally, after it happens it can feel empty.

What are you getting from sex?

Is it meeting your emotional needs?

We are sometimes in danger of seeing sex as a quick fix or a temporary plaster over our emotions.

Sex and anxiety

Anxiety could be an issue.

Fear of passing on HIV or not having enough experience.

If you are on HIV medication and undetectable for at least 6 months without any STIs you are not likely to pass on HIV and instead be un-infectious.

Experience doesn’t always make you have better sex…choosing the right person will. You could have multiple sexual experiences but if you don’t feel emotionally fulfilled then change how you have sex.

Connect properly, discuss what you want, what they want, tease each other with foreplay, allow your body to relax, breathe slowly and deeply and negotiate what will happen next.

You may be in the mood to try massage for a change instead of launching into the same routine. Switch it up a bit. Talk about fantasies and do the sex that you want consensually.

Try some breathing exercises, practise meditating on unconditional love and more to get your head-space in tune with how sex can be emotionally, physically and mentally fulfilling.

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